My best girlfriend just got engaged and we are having so much fun planning her wedding (I’m her best man of course) but I can’t help but feel distanced from her because when I talked about the wedding that I wanted to have one day she told me that “I love you like a brother but God doesn’t like gay marriage.” We have been best friends since high school and I am just now finding this out about her. She has never expressed this to me before and doesn’t really go to church so I’m not sure where this is coming from. What should I do?
Many of us have found ourselves in a similar situation, someone that we love tells us (albeit indirectly) that God doesn’t love us. My advice would be to confront her about it, in a nice way of course. It is not healthy to stay in a relationship with someone that isn’t honest with you and that does not support you.
The best way to confront her is to point out the hypocrisy of the statement that she loves you but apparently claims to worship and follow a God that doesn’t. One of the most outspoken opponents of gay rights is the Phelps family. You know, the people that picket military funerals calling our fallen soldiers fags and claiming that they will burn in hell for eternity because the USA “embraces homosexuality”.
If there’s one thing that I believe the LGBTIQ+ community has in common with the Phelps family it is that we both believe in the absolution of “you’re either for us or against us.” The Phelps don’t try to hide their disdain for homosexuals like regular (anti-gay) church going folk, they wear it on their sleeve, well more on a picket sign with 10 inch letters proclaiming that “God Hates Fags.”
So how do we find common ground with these people that claim to hate us so much? It’s the absolution of our belief that God is love. Part of loving someone is telling them the truth even when it isn’t the easiest thing to do. The LGBTIQ+ community must come from a place of love and respect for others if we wish to receive the same in return. After all, God doesn’t hate any of His/Her creations, S/He does not like their actions. As a community we need to stop supporting those that are really against us, the “I have gay friends but I don’t believe in gay marriage” folk. Some or similar rights is not equal rights and therefore we are not being treated as equal beings. We all have or have had them in our lives at one point or another and it is time for us to stand up for ourselves and enlighten them of their own hypocrisy. You can’t claim to be a friend of the LGBTIQ+ community and then deny us rights. You are either for love or you are for hate there is no in between.
“The enemies you make by taking a decided stand generally have more respect for you than the friends you make by being on the fence”